She doesn't remember
if this is for the first time or the second time or the third or a habitual one.
This unanticipated oblivion to detachment from someone that she thought would
be lacerating. The observation itself nauseates and kills the whole feeling that
she treasured as boundless and infinite. The fact that the feelings are abstract
intimidated her like never before. The abstractions have a kind of passiveness
that pushes the mind to cloth the fragility of feelings in the camouflage of much
awaited and needed pleasures. Fragility here is neither condemned nor frightened
of. There is something about him that she finds as inescapably riveting as well
as illusionary. There is something a bit vague. The sumptuousness in the
expressions they exchanged is far elevating and addictive that they sensed a
grotesque oddity and contrast of crudeness of the surroundings with the otherworldliness
of their dreamy existence together.
I wish to see your face in my own reflection when I
turn towards a looking glass. The annihilation of the past that I desired all
through my life is no longer wanted if my past holds your laughter and despair.
It as if you sliced out a part of me and still I feel whole within where it is
supposed to feel the incompleteness. You took out my rawness and showed its
distortions in the tenderest way possible. And yet I complained of hurts. I
would like to surrender a million times if you promise me that there will be
grey in your love and thorns in your hugs. I prefer claws than petals and
feathers. I prefer desolation and torment than the sweet contentment with which
you would shroud me in. Because I cease to know you if the voyage is so serene
and short. Let us be distant and vague so that the there will be other million contexts in which you would place me in
and for me to get out and begin a combat. Let us not possess each other so that
I will not cease inventing hues and shades to seize you in my canvas and give
up my sobs. Because for me any feeling dies as soon as I touch and known it as tangible
and less raving. Also I badly want to ravish the word context :P
